Chai Khana Print Book
Chai Khana Print Book

How far can u run?

Author: Tina Kikalishvili , ,

Photographer: Sofi Mdivnishvili

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Edition: Isolation

When I was a child and I felt sad, I used to lock myself in my room, open the window, lay on the floor and wait for God to come and talk to me. We aren't friends anymore but I’ve kept the habit of talking to myself. Too many conspiracy theories are running inside my head to be able to differentiate what really matters anymore. So I silently accept the push of my subconscious, melancholy, anxiety and all the miserable thoughts. 

My project is about observing myself during the lockdown. More specifically, it is about confronting the memories that have been hidden deep in my mind for years. When you are alone, you cannot run away from your body. It has also become impossible to banish these memories from your consciousness. Your body is the chronicler of everything you always want to escape. 

The first circle of loneliness

Do you remember the stories parents used to tell you before go to sleep and help you sleep well? How do you sleep at night, do night demons bother you with their questions? Do you feel guilty for not having anything to tell them neither before nor after sleep?

The second circle of loneliness

Do you remember when you told your literature teacher that you were going to become simply a kind person in the future? What about today? Didn’t you resign from your job because of that reason?

The third circle of loneliness

Do you remember the first flat you moved alone and the feeling of insecure that you would never live in the same place too long? Don’t you afraid of being too devoted and of creating the illusion of home?

The fourth circle of loneliness

Do you remember that strange feeling when your dream came true and you realized that something was lost during the process? Why don’t you speak up about your dream before you find out a plan to achieve it?

The fifth circle of loneliness 

Do you remember when the client asked you to smile at 6:00 am in the morning while you were packing the herbs? Why did you become angry with yourself, do you think that you don’t have a right to feel bad?

The sixth circle of loneliness

Do you remember when you wrote poetry and you told your brother that it was written by Galaktion Tabidze? When our grandma passed away you again wrote something but you did not let anyone read it. In a time when so many people die today, are you more afraid of your death or others around?

The seventh circle of loneliness

Do you remember the sunny day at Lisi Lake when somebody punched you in the face? What did you feel then, why have you never talked to somebody about this case? How many people keep silence today beyond the windows?

The eighth circle of loneliness

Do you remember when you strongly believe in happy families? Do you still think that he would have jumped out of the window if you had not hold him back? When you worry too much about something what time should have passed to make it pointless?

The ninth circle of loneliness

Do you remember when you first cry loudly together with someone? Can we be sincere with each other if we have not cried together before? If we do not feel embarrassed after crying does it mean that only this time we are genuinely sincere?